“ So encourage each other to build each other up, just as you are already doing” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, TLB).

     I hesitate to talk about marriage in the midst of a message series on parenting. Many parents are divorced. Some are single by choice. Marital issues are not their present concern.

     Yet for those who are married, the relationship spouses have with one another impacts their children. While every couple enters a marriage with great hopes for their future, many do not live happily ever after. Interpersonal problems between mom and dad have deleterious effects on their kids. How spouses treat one another matters greatly for the entire family.

     So, I was stumped by a question I read the other day. “When was the last time you complimented your spouse?” I couldn’t answer the question. I am certain that I had recently offered Cathy an affirming word of some measure, but I just couldn’t recall when that word was spoken.

     Then the realization came to me that I have not been deliberate in my efforts to encourage my wife. Paul counseled all Christians to “encourage one another and build each other up” (1 Thessalonians 5:11, NIV). Paul offers a strong word to inspire others intentionally, as well as routinely.

     Unfortunately, we too often take those closest to us for granted. Christian Psychologists, Les and Leslie Parrot claim, “Building one another’s self-esteem is an essential component of a happy marriage, but it can be easy to fall into a rut where we stop affirming one another in meaningful ways.” Finding realistic opportunities to encourage your life partner will enrich your marriage.

     In the film, Jerry Maguire, Renee Zellweger, who plays Dorothy, says to her husband, Jerry, “You had me at hello.” Each of us fell in love with our spouse because of certain qualities they possess that we found attractive. Therefore, the easiest way to affirm each other is to pay compliments to these strengths, such as beauty, intelligence, and hard work. “Gosh, you really look pretty today,” can be a remark that not only elevates a wife’s spirit but can also strengthen the level of a couple’s emotional bond.

     In addition to complimenting each other’s positive attributes follows the practice of lifting one another’s esteem in the face of personal insecurities. If your wife is experiencing difficulty at work, express to her your confidence that with God’s help she will discover a breakthrough. When your husband expresses frustration because he cannot spend as much time with the family as he wants, let him know how much you appreciate his hard work and thoughtful concern.

     Mark Twain once said that he could go for two months on just one compliment. The same cannot be said for a happy marriage. Routine encouragement is the oxygen that breathes life into every marital relationship. Without encouragement the mutual love between spouses will suffocate. Even worse, every member of the family will suffocate.