“Give to those who ask, and don’t refuse those who wish to borrow from you”  (Matthew 5:42, CEB).

One of Aesop’s fables tells of a boy who was bathing in a river:

  A boy bathing in a river was in danger                 of being drowned. He

called out to a passing traveler for help,             but instead of holding

out a helping hand, the man stood by unconcernedly, and scolded

the boy for his imprudence. “Oh, sir!”                    cried the youth, “pray

help me now and scold me afterwards.” 

               During his celebrated Sermon on the Mount, Jesus instructed his listeners to “Give to those who ask…”. Jesus’ words sound like good advice—unless the gift you are offering is, in fact, advice. More often than not, offering unsolicited feedback can be perceived as rude, intrusive, or condescending.

              Moreover, repeatedly giving counsel that is not requested can potentially lead the recipient toward feeling resentful. The solicitor can strain the relationship because the receiver perceives the solicitor as being judgmental. Unsolicited advice often feels critical rather than helpful. The advisor may actually do more interpersonal harm than good.

              Of course, many of us want to be helpful. We want the best for the other person and earnestly believe that we know what is best for them. Our motives may be pure yet the guidance we offer can undermine a person’s ability to figure out how to solve their own problems.

              Just because people tell you about a challenge they are facing doesn’t mean they are asking for your opinion. The most prudent approach to advice-giving is to ask permission before dispensing advice or offering a suggestion. A preliminary question can avert an embarrassing moment: Would it be most helpful for me to give you some advice or for me just to listen? Sometimes the best help we can offer is an empathetic ear rather than an unwelcome suggestion.

              So, the next time someone asks for your help, perhaps the best course of action is to first determine what they truly need. Remember that for most people an unsolicited opinion is the internet spam of life. Rather than paying lip service to the people who are drowning about you throw them a life preserver instead. They’ll be grateful for the bona fide help.

Prayer:

 Dear Lord Jesus, grant me the compassion to extend the necessary help to those who find themselves in over their head with problems. Prevent me from offering the kind of advice that satisfies my needs more than it meets the needs of others. May the assistance I provide give strength to those who are struggling against the currents of life, as well as the assurance that you will always deliver them when the waters rise. Through Christ’s name I pray. Amen.