“The LORD is slow to anger, and abounding in steadfast love, forgiving iniquity and transgression, but by no means clearing the guilty, visiting the iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and the fourth generation” (Numbers 14:18, NRSV).
In 1877, a researcher by the name of Richard Dugdale performed a study on the ancestries of Jonathan Edwards and Max Jukes. Jonathan Edwards was the renowned Reformed minister who helped shaped the theological and political landscape of America during his early years. Max Jukes lived at about the same time as Edwards and was infamous for his lewd behavior and drinking. While Edwards helped Christianity prosper in this country, Jukes despised Christianity. The contrast of these two men’s lives is witnessed even more profoundly in the lives of their ancestors.
Of Max Jukes’ 1026 descendants, 300 were sent to prison for a period of thirteen years. 190 became public prostitutes. 690 became alcoholics. And twenty-seven were convicted of murder. By comparison with Jonathan Edwards’s descendants, 430 became ministers. Ninety-nine became university professors or presidents. Seventy-five became authors. Seven were elected to Congress. Three became governors. And one became a United States vice president.
Now, there’s been a great deal of argument about the results of this study. Did poverty play a role in the success or failure of these two families? Was lack of education a factor? No one has concrete answers. But one thing cannot be disputed. The influence of these two men extended well beyond their own graves.
There is a rather challenging statement from the Old Testament Book of Numbers 14:18 that speaks of “…iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and fourth generation” (NRSV). This isn’t a reference to God punishing children for the bad things their parents do. It is about the negative impact that parents can have on their descendants.
Before I became a parent, I asked a mentor for some advice for raising my children. My mentor replied, “You must be the kind of person you want your child to become.” As parents, who we are is more important than what we say. Our children’s character hinges on the traits we exhibit as parents.
I realize that there are a lot of things about your child that are beyond your control. Yet, the one thing within your control is you. You can choose to live the qualities you wish your child would embrace him or herself.
In fact, the most important question a parent can ask is, “What kind of person do I want to be?” When I thought about that question, here are some of the qualities I wrote down.
I want to be genuinely connected to Jesus and grounded in his word.
I want to be kind and generous to family, friends, and strangers.
I want to be emotionally secure and relationally savvy with regard to the people around me.
I want to be wise in my decision-making and persistent in living out God’s will for my life.
I want to move beyond myself and live my life for Jesus.
You see, I want these things, not just for me, but for my descendants, as well.
In 1954, Dorothy Nolte wrote a poem entitled, “Children Learn What They Live.” In part, the
poem reads:
In 1877, a researcher by the name of Richard Dugdale performed a study on the ancestries of Jonathan Edwards and Max Jukes. Jonathan Edwards was the renowned Reformed minister who helped shaped the theological and political landscape of America during his early years. Max Jukes lived at about the same time as Edwards and was infamous for his lewd behavior and drinking. While Edwards helped Christianity prosper in this country, Jukes despised Christianity. The contrast of these two men’s lives is witnessed even more profoundly in the lives of their ancestors.
Of Max Jukes’ 1026 descendants, 300 were sent to prison for a period of thirteen years. 190 became public prostitutes. 690 became alcoholics. And twenty-seven were convicted of murder. By comparison with Jonathan Edwards’s descendants, 430 became ministers. Ninety-nine became university professors or presidents. Seventy-five became authors. Seven were elected to Congress. Three became governors. And one became a United States vice president.
Now, there’s been a great deal of argument about the results of this study. Did poverty play a role in the success or failure of these two families? Was lack of education a factor? No one has concrete answers. But one thing cannot be disputed. The influence of these two men extended well beyond their own graves.
There is a rather challenging statement from the Old Testament Book of Numbers 14:18 that speaks of “…iniquity of the parents upon the children to the third and fourth generation” (NRSV). This isn’t a reference to God punishing children for the bad things their parents do. It is about the negative impact that parents can have on their descendants.
Before I became a parent, I asked a mentor for some advice for raising my children. My mentor replied, “You must be the kind of person you want your child to become.” As parents, who we are is more important than what we say. Our children’s character hinges on the traits we exhibit as parents.
I realize that there are a lot of things about your child that are beyond your control. Yet, the one thing within your control is you. You can choose to live the qualities you wish your child would embrace him or herself.
In fact, the most important question a parent can ask is, “What kind of person do I want to be?” When I thought about that question, here are some of the qualities I wrote down.
I want to be genuinely connected to Jesus and grounded in his word.
I want to be kind and generous to family, friends, and strangers.
I want to be emotionally secure and relationally savvy with regard to the people around me.
I want to be wise in my decision-making and persistent in living out God’s will for my life.
I want to move beyond myself and live my life for Jesus.
You see, I want these things, not just for me, but for my descendants, as well.
In 1954, Dorothy Nolte wrote a poem entitled, “Children Learn What They Live.” In part, the
poem reads:
If children live with criticism, they learn to condemn.
If children live with hostility, they learn to fight.
If children live with pity, they learn to feel sorry for themselves.
If children live with shame, they learn to feel guilty.
[But,]
If children live with encouragement, they learn confidence.
If children live with acceptance, they learn to love.
If children live with honesty, they learn truthfulness.
If children live with kindness and consideration, they learn respect.