“Bear with each other and forgive one another if any of you has a grievance against someone. Forgive as the Lord” (Colossians 3:13).

     Malachy McCourt once said, “Resentment is like taking poison and waiting for the other person to die.” Sadly, people who harbor grudges fail to recognize how much stress they bring upon themselves. The fact is that grudges punish the grudge bearer far more than the one who deserves the punishment.

     I once counseled an individual who chaffed at the idea of forgiving her husband for committing adultery. “How can I forgive someone who hurt me so badly?” she asked. “How can you not?” I replied. The truth is forgiveness is as much for the injured party as it is for the perpetrator. Forgiving others is necessary, not because the offender deserves mercy, but because the one who forgives deserves peace.

     One of the pitfalls of being treated unkindly is the tendency to believe the lie that others are saying or implying about you. When someone maligns you, it is easy to internalize their negative message. A false conclusion is reached. “My friend treated me badly, therein I must be a bad person.”

     Moreover, when trust is damaged in one relationship, the diminished capacity to trust can affect all relationships. From the family room to the board room, one’s limited ability to trust can undermine a group’s sense of harmony and productivity. Resentment’s effects are far more reaching than we realize.

     The beauty of forgiveness is its power to erase the toxic self-messages one has recorded. The negative emotions brought about by the initial injury or insult are replaced by feelings of self-love. Likewise, the stumbling block to trusting others can be torn down as the forgiver recognizes that not every person is untrustworthy.

     My hope is that you will do yourself a favor. Put down the poison you have been taking. Ask God for the strength to offer grace to those who deserve it least. Forgive the other person, if not for your own sake. Besides, you deserve the peace.